you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
