I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So vagazzling was a success
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
