remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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