tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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