i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
