were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
