dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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