I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
