So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
