1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
