literally had 100 drinks last night.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
