Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
