We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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