Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
