got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
did i walk over a car last night?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
