just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
