Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
