im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
