He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
