How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
