mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
