Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize