I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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