i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
