When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
