Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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