sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
