My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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