well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
