He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
