Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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