I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
