How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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