Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She told me I should be a condom model.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
