Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
