Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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