His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
