I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize