Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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