Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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