i just wanna soil my oats bro
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
