The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
