What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
