I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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