I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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