I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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