I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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