I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
