yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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