You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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