..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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