And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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