just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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