I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
