my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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