why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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