I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
