from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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