Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
