we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize