The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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